Flowers Look Good on a House, but They Were Never Meant to Hold Up the Walls.

Black women are celebrated for their strength so much that the word feels more like a requirement than a compliment. They are expected to endure everything without cracking or crying, no matter how long and intense the pain is. That strength is a beautiful decoration, covering unmet emotional needs. A burden, referenced as the Superwoman Schema: the belief that black women must be self-reliant, emotionally restrained, hardworking to the point of depletion, and neglecting their own health while caring for others. 

When Strength Stops Being Empowering

Showing strength is not the problem. The expectation to be unbreakable is where the real danger is for black women.  Suffering in silence, believing that your strength is keeping you healthy is a false fact. It gets you through the workday along with some old school R&B (or Trap Music), but when the rest of the world benefits from a black woman's strength, they are forced to pay the cost of being "strong" alone. Compared to other races, 88% (the highest) of black women experience workplace burnout, but about 33% (the lowest) of them seek therapy for themselves. I can’t blame you for not trying therapy because the women before you prayed on it and when their tough times went away God would get the glory. I will never tell you to not pray on it, but I will tell you that there are more of your Sisters in the mental health field than you think.  Do not allow the stigma of being weak, the fear of not being protected, or past experiences keep you from unloading some of that baggage when it gets too heavy.  The same way you got the girls trip out of the group chat, is the same energy you need to get that trauma off your heart (with a professional) so you can begin to take it easy on yourself.

You’re Just a Girl

You didn’t even take a nap when the newborn was asleep. You cleaned the whole house because no one else would get it to look and smell as fresh as you. You double booked yourself every weekend last month because your friends wanted to party AND on top of that you are trying to meet every work deadline while your kids grind your gears about Robux. YOU ARE TIRED SIS. Take a break. Be emotionally truthful to yourself and set those boundaries that will keep you sane. Do not be ashamed of allowing someone to support you and pour into you. Science teaches us that softer materials do not crack, they bend or they stretch. They call it being ductile. And you know what material has the most ductility? Gold. Make no mistake queen, you are gold in human form. Just as precious and rare, but your value outweighs gold by a lifetime. Be soft on you and don't be afraid of it.  You deserve it. 

The world has spent centuries telling Black women to be strong.

But the world needs to hear you say: I am worthy. I am human. And I do not have to prove my strength to you. 

You are the flowers that give this world its curb appeal. Plant yourself in peace and bloom in full, vibrant colors. Your softness is your true strength, do not carry that weight alone. 

P. Phelps