1 in 10,000

Recently, I have been contemplating the inception of SON (Survivors of Negativity). At the heart and soul of my aspirations there is a story about a black family in the inner city. A young couple raising a son in the midst of the drug epidemic with no real understanding of the complex ups and downs of love and parenthood. Doing their best with what they had in front of them, their happily ever after was crushed due to many factors. But the one in particular I chose to write about today was prison. 

For the kid forced to move on without explanation. For the kid who can’t find the words to the questions burning in their hearts. For the mother  trying to hold it all together while someone they love is sent away. I created Survivors of Negativity for them. SON is  meant to mend the bonds of the imprisoned and the ones they left behind because I was one of those kids.  When a parent or a close relative is incarcerated, the sentence doesn’t stop with them. It almost feels like everyone they loved and cared about is serving that time with them.  A tailored punishment for the black communities who, during the late 80s and early  90s, was given the tools of destruction and sentenced to prison by the same government that swore to protect all of its citizens.  This is my story, but it’s bigger than me.

By Mistake or By Design

 The United Stated incarcerates more people than any other country in the world . In black and brown communities, going to jail has become so common we find ourselves telling kids that their parents went to college to keep them from worrying. The adults had to get creative and give praise to someone’s absence because it occurred so often that it was a “normal” way of life. Other families do not hide the cold hard facts of prison not even considering the mental affects this exposure can have on the young developing brain. Depending on why the family member is locked up, the reaction of the child’s peers could result in a kid being teased and bullied too. It is difficult to see a brighter day when someone you’re close to has to go away and you are powerless to stop it. How do you fix a system that prides itself on showing you prison (and slavery) before it teaches you that West Africa produces the most cocoa in the world. 

Who Got the Answers?

What if I told you $6.8 billion was used for constructing prisons in the early 90s? And 2 out of every 100,000 black men were awarded the opportunity to play professional sports around that same time. With education being the least attractive and funded in inner cities, what other choices did a black man have if his athletic dreams failed? How about the $77 billion a year cocaine industry that didn’t require school or a low 40 yard dash time? The convenience of selling drugs was not a mistake. No one who lived in a ghetto flew planes or owned shipment containers. The American dream for us was the nightmare of violence and addiction that most of our communities still experience till this day. The tools sent to destroy us, also kept the children warm in winter months.  A viscous double edged sword. 

Life on the Outside

Nearly half of the people in state prisons are parents. . African American children are six times more likely than white children to have an incarcerated parent. But parental incarceration doesn’t just affect children, it reshapes entire family systems. Caregivers have to be two parents in one while also navigating financial stress. When the natural order of things are disrupted, the emotional and mental risk significantly rises. So do you face these changes head on or do you say “fuck it” and try your best to survive? You try to survive because you can’t let the children see you struggle. That is what my mother did and she did her damn best to give me a shot. She prayed, she went back to school, relied on her family and she worked multiple jobs. All the while hoping that she can deflect the damage that comes with detachment and confusion. It's because of her will to not give up, even when she was left to fight alone, that got me here today. 

Why I

People sometimes look at where I am now and call it luck. It's that, but with a little bit of God’s grace and favor as well. The truth is, the system never had me picked to become anything more than another statistic. They don’t advertise family services that help families stay in touch. They didn’t schedule weekly trips to prisons for those with transportation needs. Most prisons don’t offer vocational training to the people they imprison, let alone reunification therapy.  Those are just a few things I hope to change in the area of prison reform. I want to build what didn’t exist for me and the kids I grew up with. The spaces that acknowledge that emotional pain a family feels trying to navigate disruption. I want to remind kids that their future is not predetermined by their circumstances. Their pain isn’t the only story they have to tell. There will be more like me to show the world what it looks like when the system loses. 

P. Phelps